My dog wakes up at 4:30 every morning so he can take a nap by 6.
Critical people b like: I’m not critical, I can just see faults better.
When they say jump, you have to be ready to say, into which volcano.
No one
Drivers in NC: The light’s only just turned red; I should definitely run it.
The thing I like about Dawn dish detergent is that I can wash my dishes, my pets, my gentles, and my car with it, and still have some to drink later.
Do you have hobbies, or did you decide on marriage instead.
where do you see yourself in five years?
sorry kids, Santa is a super spreader.
i feel like so much miscommunication could be avoided if we all just stopped talking
assessor: sexual orientation?
me: as in if i were to have sex which way would i be facing?
Dear Karma:
I don’t understand, he hasn’t been mauled by a lion yet.
XO,
Me