Anyone: Hey, can I ask you a personal question?
Me: *sound of footsteps running away*
*speed dating*
So which of my teeth is your favorite?
*sees cute bald guy in sunglasses
*spends 10 minutes flirting from across the bar
*realizes sunglasses are on the back of his head
There’s no cool way to get your braces unstuck from the carpet.
You’d think a baby would make the perfect paperweight, but this one keeps rolling off my desk.