Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us
@stephenjmolloy : Doctor: "You are gonna hear the pitter-patter of tiny feet."
Kim: "I'm pregnant?!"
*a tiny monkey walks in*
"This is my nurse."
@stephenjmolloy: Film producer: You're a terrible scriptwriter.
I disagree. Me:
@stephenjmolloy: Mugger: Hand over your wallet or else!
Me: *wearing a deodorant that promises 48 hour protection* Or else what?
@stephenjmolloy: Doctor: "You have acute appendicitis."
Me: *blushing* "Oh you. I bet you say that to all your patients."
@stephenjmolloy: Boss to staff: "What incentives would make you work harder?"
Staff member: "Bonus!"
Boss: "I'm not boning any of you."
@stephenjmolloy: Taxi driver: Where to?
Me: Inbetween one and three.
Taxi driver: Get out.
@stephenjmolloy: Me: I got a job interview next week.
Wife: Great news. You should update your wardrobe.
Me: Okay.. *to the wardrobe* I got a job interview next week.
@stephenjmolloy: Pilot intercom: We are currently 30,000 feet in the air.
Me to my wife: No way there are 15,000 people on this plane.
Wife to flight attendant: Are there any other seats available?
@stephenjmolloy: Date: Do you want to go upstairs?
Date: Do you have any protection?
Me: Who's up there?
@stephenjmolloy: Bank robber: This is a robbery! Nobody do anything stupid!
My wife slowly turns to face me and mouths: You are gonna die
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
Submit a Tweet
FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
We also retweet all the tweets we post on this site, might as well follow us on Twitter!
And what's more, we post our best tweets in Facebook as well! Like us on Facebook to get a daily dose of Funny Tweeter on your news feed.