Note to future self:
Tequila is a liar.
You do not sound exactly like Axl Rose & the people at karaoke will not catch you if you stage dive
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
Smart cars are what happens when Optimus Prime gets drunk and has sex with his vacuum cleaner.
I accidentally caught my nuts in a barbed wire fence and now I’m the frontman of a Maroon 5 cover band.
Why does Jehovah need so many witnesses?
Sounds like a pretty shady dude to me.
I feel sorry for all the responsible bulls out there minding their own business and just looking to buy some nice china.
If you say “cash money” around me,
Don’t act surprised when I kick you in the “balls nuts”See how stupid that sounds?
For fun, I steal my married friends phones & change my name to
‘Brandy from the club’
then repeatedly call them & hang up at 3am.#topahole
I’m not saying I have a questionable work ethic, but I just got called lazy by a guy wearing velcro shoes.
If your mother in law and your father in law were both engulfed in flames, and you only had one fire extinguisher,
where would you hide it?