@stewteee

I start training at mime school on Monday.

So if you don’t hear from me…

@stewteee

20 years ago my Dad went out to buy a pack of Camels

…and now he’s the most successful camel breeder in Europe.

@stewteee

Her: I want you to choke me daddy

Me: *throws whole grapes into her mouth

@stewteee

Her: If you look up immature in the dictionary you’ll see a picture of yourself!

Me: Oh I’m immature? I’m not the one with pictures in my dictionary Karen!

@stewteee

Her: Penny for your thoughts?

Me: Oh. I was just wondering if pears ever became sentient, do you think they’d have body image issues?

Her:

Me:

Her: Can I have my money back please?!

@stewteee

Her: I want you to leave me breathless

Me: *hides her inhaler

@stewteee

My yoga teacher was sent to prison for fraud.

He did a 3 year stretch.