I start training at mime school on Monday.
So if you don’t hear from me…
20 years ago my Dad went out to buy a pack of Camels
…and now he’s the most successful camel breeder in Europe.
Her: I want you to choke me daddy
Me: *throws whole grapes into her mouth
Her: If you look up immature in the dictionary you’ll see a picture of yourself!
Me: Oh I’m immature? I’m not the one with pictures in my dictionary Karen!
Her: Penny for your thoughts?
Me: Oh. I was just wondering if pears ever became sentient, do you think they’d have body image issues?
Her: Can I have my money back please?!
Her: I want you to leave me breathless
Me: *hides her inhaler
My yoga teacher was sent to prison for fraud.
He did a 3 year stretch.