welcome to my podcast What Are Birds Thinking About where we speculate wildly about what birds might be thinking about today’s guest is once again not a bird
going to rock bottom do you guys need anything
thanks for your constructive criticism! i hated it and will be telling my mom about this
sure my tattoos will look stupid when i get old but have you ever considered that they look stupid now too
teach a man to fish and he’ll turn around and try to teach you to fish like he invented it and you’re an idiot
why r babies always crying u don’t even have jobs
mom, dad i’d like you to meet someone, this is hornyboy12 he slid into my DMs to tell me he’s in love with me based on the highly curated version of myself i present online we’re gonna get married
a man in whole foods asked how i was doing and i said ok how are you and he said “it is beautiful in my soul today” and that’s why i never go to whole foods
me: i’m so sad and hopeless and directionless
my brains: buy stuff
me: no listen i need a purpose
brain: a purchase?
i hate when my friend starts dating an idiot and i have to be like how could you bring this man into our lives