@suecorvette

I just said “Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary. Bloody Mary” to the mirror hoping that I’d have someone new to talk to

@suecorvette

Dumbo sounds like a good idea until you think about how much poop a flying elephant would drop

@suecorvette

I couldn’t afford Botox so I just stopped making facial expressions about 15 years ago

@suecorvette

The guy I paid to pave my driveway hasn’t shown up in two weeks.

I’m not worried tho. I’m sure he’ll resurface one day.

@suecorvette

Me (on a tinder date): you look nothing like your avi

Chameleon: hold on.

@suecorvette

Chestnut implies the existence of legnut, armnut, necknut and the much anticipated buttnut.