You can buy a family sized shawarma platter it’s okay they don’t even check
Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?
On a phone appointment with my doctor and may have answered the “Are you currently sexually active?” question with “I’M TRYING, OKAY?”
It’s as though the guy beside me in traffic earlier had never seen a woman take her bra off without removing her shirt before
You can’t hurt me, you’re not the underwire in a bra I bought at the grocery store
The only issue with being single is when you fall asleep on the couch after dinner and are wide awake at midnight and you can’t make it someone else’s problem