@superdadatron

I’m testing my theory that I can get away with putting a 0 or N/A in a work report that requires answers when I don’t know the answers.

@superdadatron

*Opens fridge

*Sees chocolate bar with a note “please don’t eat me”.

*Eats chocolate bar

Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?

@superdadatron

My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer…

@superdadatron

Ok everybody. Please look in your bedroom closet. I got my stalking notes mixed up and don’t know where I am.

@superdadatron

Hope you don’t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.

@superdadatron

Lies I’ll never stop telling:

1. I’d never put you in a home, mom.

2. It’s 6 inches long.

3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.

@superdadatron

I’m gonna cook tons of bacon, crush it up and sell it for extra money to support my family.

Bacon Bad