[Dinner party]
ME: *holding a plate of empty shells* Boy, those oysters were filling.
HOST: MY TURTLES!
WIFE: Stop taking things the wrong way.
ME: [swallows suppository]
SHERLOCK: Is that mud on your shoe?
WATSON: No, shit Sherlock.
ME: I’d like to buy some underwear.
CLERK: Satin?
ME: No, new please.