I get it, mayonnaise. I am also disgusting yet liked by many.
Black Eyed Peas: Whatcha gonna do with all that junk, all that junk inside your trunk?
Me: I’m gonna leave it there indefinitely but then act all embarrassed and say “my car is not usually a mess” when people get in it.
Can we just admit that a 5-year-old named walkie talkies?
Mom: Do you have any idea how painful it was to carry you in my womb for 9 months?
Me: If the last time I hurt you was 37 years ago, I’d say you’re winning in this relationship.
If I ever find someone I love as much as pizza…
…I will kill them. Nobody comes between me and pizza.
I’m at that age where all my friends have husbands and babies and all I’ve got is time and money.