@sween

I can’t imagine how stressed Americans are feeling right now. I’m Canadian and I’m chugging maple syrup and just punched a moose.

@sween

If I had a time machine, I’d go back in time to just before a famous person was supposed to be assassinated and borrow money from them.

@sween

“I’M A DOG!”
“I’M A DOG TOO!”
“WE’RE DOGS!”
– dogs

@sween

When I’m dead, I’m going to haunt offices and say, “OooOoo… why are you using your mouse?… hit Control-C… you’re taking forever…”

@sween

I looked up “thesaurus” in my thesaurus and it says “Don’t be a smart-ass”.

@sween

Hipster sushi restaurants only serve eye rolls.

@sween

In Canada, she’s Kilometery Cyrus.