The first rule of denial club is I can stop anytime I want.
I’m developing an app that makes a cricket sound effect at the end of my coworkers’ stories.
My favorite part about family dinner is when my brother says how he made 600K last year and I get to say someone made a clock of my Avi.
The hardest part about going through a divorce is finding a hitman you can trust.
-911 what’s your emergency?
-People are pronouncing it EX-presso.
My dentist told me I need a crown. I was like I KNOW, RIGHT?
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn’t even value half of all his assets.
When I hear teenagers talk I wonder why there’s not a high school class dedicated to learning the definition of the word “literally”