Million Dollar Idea ~ A bathroom mirror that takes pictures.
Don’t have your phone number posted on FB if you don’t want me calling you at 3am drunk asking for the recipe of that cobbler you posted.
I hate when the cashier ask me ” You doing alright today ” when I’m buying a 6-pack of beer with change.
If zombies ever attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership
“My phone’s about to die.” -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call ….
So I met this hooker who said she’d do anything for ten bucks .
Guess who got his yard cut?
When my laptop asks “Are you sure?”, it’s because it still remembers all of the other bad decisions I have made.
The neighborhood is having a meeting tonight about the creepy guy & I’m the only one not invited. Weird.
My girlfriend thinks I’m at work. My boss thinks I’m home sick. These ducks think I’m fuckin’ awesome because I have the bread.