Hey retailers selling clear purses in response to venues’ draconian bag policies, we see right through you.
One cool thing about getting older is that you’re not asked about your long term plan very much.
Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions doesn’t mean the road is paved.
The One that Got Away… a memoir of a french fry lost in a crevice beside the driver’s seat and the aroma that made it impossible to forget.
My two-year old twin nephews are the proverbial bundles of energy. And on bath night they’re clean energy.
Dentist: How often do you floss?
Me: I was raised in a working-class family…
One day you’re young and carefree, the next somebody refers to a movie set in the 80s as a period piece.
One time in chemistry I hid my lab partner’s beaker and he turned into a mad scientist.
ew if literal: let me be clear
Agriculture can’t possibly be a dying industry. Bot farms are booming.
I bought a container of ice cream and it had a screw on lid. Nobody needs that kind of negativity in their life.
Two squirrels in the park were going at it on a tree trunk. And there wasn’t any sensitive content warning.
The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.
I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.
Everyone is all “love is patient” during the wedding but when there’s a long line for the open bar, not so much.