I saw a vending machine that takes Apple Pay which sounds cool but imagine how much it would suck to lose your phone in there.
Just got a “Great news!” text from Walmart and while I’m glad my package is out for delivery it’s not toilet paper and this isn’t 2020.
There was a magnetic necklace for sale at the $1.25 store. It was simultaneously unattractive and attractive.
You may think you’re having a bad day but did you mindlessly grab a tube of triple antibiotic ointment and brush your teeth with it?
Life hack: Asking fellow party guests about their last colonoscopy can be an effective way to avoid future social commitments.
Recipe: After adding oil to skillet, sweat onions.
My cooking anxiety: I got this!
I didn’t eat the side of fries bc they were soggy, room temperature and not bringing any joy. So yeah I’m on the Marie Kondo diet now.
My friend and I had a running joke. She said let’s do a marathon and then we both laughed.
Maybe all the lonely ladies in my DMs who just moved to this city and don’t have any friends should get together and start a newcomers club.
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.
The pic on Nextdoor of a swarm of bees on someone’s fence is wicked cool until you recognize the fence.
Accidentally used a toe of newt and eye of frog and now Kermit wears a monocle.
Nasal rinses are great bc they clear your sinuses and also let you feel like you’re jumping into a pool without the pool.
If you give a mouse a cookie did you shriek and jump up on a chair first?
The marriage rate has been trending downward. Choreographed wedding dances may be the reason.