Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of thatUPSdude's best tweets

@thatUPSdude : “Pencil me in, I’m there”


@thatUPSdude: Steve: Some people call me the space cowboy.

Steve's friends: We apologize for our friend, we actually just call him Steve.

@thatUPSdude: Oh shit I thought the sliding glass door was closed! Help help!!

@thatUPSdude: When I said I was going to start eating better after the holidays, I was thinking more like after Easter.

@thatUPSdude: Thanksgiving,

A time gather around with your family, and realize why you only allow them in your house once a year.

@thatUPSdude: Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy alcohol. And I’m a happy drunk.

@thatUPSdude: Me: So which one do you like? I like this one with the ocean in the background

DMV: For the last time sir, you can't submit your own photo

@thatUPSdude: *at a casino*

Me: How much are these chips worth?

Dealer: Sir those are Pringles

@thatUPSdude: Me: What are these red chips worth?

Dealer: 5 bucks.

Me: What about this orange one?

Dealer: Sir, that's a Dorito.