It takes 72 hours to make a rare steak in an Easy Bake oven so my dinner party might be delayed a bit.
I just spent an hour punching a brick wall. No coins came out and now my hand is broken. Video games lie to you.
I lick all the grapes at the grocery store. It’s romantic. Some stranger is going home with my kisses on their grapes.
Bon Jovi is French for Good Jovi.
I’ve been playing GTA for an hour and I still can’t find the “exchange insurance information” button.
West Side Story gave me the wrong impression. No one at this gang fight is a good dancer and I’ve been shot in the arm.
If you lose a tooth in a bar fight and put it under your pillow, the tooth fairy will leave you $100 because you’re hardcore.
*takes cat from pocket of doctor’s coat & holds it over patient*
He has finished his scan. He says he doesn’t like you & you have cancer.