I say “correct me if I wrong” just to make people listen to me.
Me: A problem shared is half solved.
Invigilator: sit in the front.
Dentists are evil, they’re like reverse the tooth fairy because you’re broke after.
Before towels were invented people rubbed themselves against the carpet.
Jesus, I didn’t mean my cheese wheel when I said you take the wheel.
God: You’re beautiful. Aren’t you?
Peacock: Yes. Thanks for creating me.
God: *Starts giggling*
Peacock: What’s so funny, god? Why are you laughing?
God: you’re called peacock. *Bursts into laugh*
Peacock: WHAT THE FFUU..
God: And you cant speak.
[Incoherent bird noise]
I’m starting an emu farm and calling it ‘no fly zone’ so the birds don’t feel bad.