I was flattered when my crush added her stick figure to my mini van. I can’t wait to hear what my wife thinks…
Fact: The best tuna fish salad recipe is the combination of ingredients that best covers up the taste of the tuna.
Me: I prefer telling outside jokes.
Coworker: Don’t you mean inside jokes?
Me: Not to you
I went into accounting because there is strength in numbers.
How many times in your marriage have you ever answered a question with a question?
Wives – 3
Men – What?
*wonders if any of my friends snorted tide when I was a teen since we didn’t have tide pods*
Funny how “It just broke” was a common excuse of mine as a child that I never had to say again until I got married.
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I tell her there’re no throw pillows in heaven.
Protip: If your wife says don’t put your oversized grilling spatula and tongs in the dishwasher, just hand wash them, she means right then.
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I do laundry “my way”.
The worst thing about marriage is how it makes you start snoring. I never snored when I was single…
1818 – Rides for miles on horseback to find a newspaper to read by candle light.
2018 – If it takes more than two clicks, I’m not reading it.
I consider myself a loyal person but not dog of a homeless guy loyal…
Show me someone who says they’ve traveled to the four corners of the earth and I will show you someone who’s failed geometry and geography.
Let’s put the delete button next to the most important, most used button on this app, lol
~App developers probably