There is no bigger liar than the person who named the everything bagel.
Not to brag but I read the instructions before I did something today. I didn’t follow them, but still.
I was kicked out of my college grammar club for making up words. Even worse was the reculpricity they had with the other clubs on campus.
Not to brag but drunk me just decided to start taking pictures for sober me in the morning…
I never thought I’d be someone who complains about the quality of the prosciutto on his charcuterie board but here I am…
Don’t be ridiculous, I would never use capitalization as a form of passive aggressive behavior karen.
If you make a simple mistake but fix it right away, what year will your spouse finally let it go?
I heard that Amazon is scrapping Alex, the new male version of Alexa it was developing. They couldn’t stop it from saying “I don’t know, ask Alexa”.
All I’m saying is waking up at night because you have to pee in a dream is better than actually peeing in the dream…
Not to brag but my wife just mentioned fireworks in the bedroom to me. She wants me to keep them somewhere else until the 4th but still…
Can’t, I’m in big trouble with the wife. I invited a couple to a party that she’s planning without telling her.
Older generations using outdated references is like younger generations using new slang. Both laugh at the other for not getting it.
Why didn’t Dorothy tell the Cowardly Lion about liquid courage?
I have never understood why people need to shovel snow. Why don’t they just live someplace warm where it doesn’t snow?
All I’m saying is if getting weighed naked at the doctor’s office wasn’t discouraged, people’s weight at home and at the doctor’s office would be much closer.