What’s it called when no one can dance but everyone dances?
A good wedding reception
Does the writer who left the space blank get upset when a note is added that it was intentionally left blank?
The key to office success is to only have one of two things out on your desk at any time, things you’re working on or things that make you look busy.
Ever notice that adding “after hours” or “after dark” to anything makes it sexy?
Walmart after hours
Walmart after darkAlmost anything…
The family dog always likes one person best in the family and if you don’t agree then it’s not you.
If anyone asks me about a movie, I say I only go to movies for the popcorn.
Ever notice that women say “scare you to death” while men say “scare the pants off you”?
Well played men, well played…
I’m not the fun “Why not?” friend, I’m the friend who will tell you why not.
I’m an author when I write and I’m an actor when I lie, but I don’t get paid for either so my bio says accountant.
Who knows what my boss meant when he said I had a lackadaisical attitude but truthfully I don’t care and I’m not interested in finding out.
Welcome to your fifties, you take the elevator instead of the stairs now and you still pull a muscle.
[Attractive stylist washing out my hair after cutting it]
Stylist: How’s the water temperature?
[Water so hot it’s scalding my scalp]
Me: It’s fine
Life is like a can of mixed nuts. No matter how hard you try to get all kinds, you’re always left with a bunch of peanuts in the end.
Spoiler Warning: Playing possum when you get pulled over will NOT get you out of a speeding ticket…
All hugs are good hugs except bear hugs. A bear hug is like a regular hug except you die at the end…