So I put one (1) ancient mummified corpse in a tub of water to see if it would rehydrate into a zombie, and now I’m some kind of weirdo? OK, whatever. Halloween is gonna suck this year, and that’s on you.
I refuse to clean my house before you arrive because it perpetuates our slavery to capitalism. Just kidding, I’ve vacuumed the attic in case you wanted to see our 15 year old baby gates.
I hope this email finds you. And when it finds you it will make you pay.
I just shaved my armpits after such an extended hiatus that my razor acted as little more than a comb. Should have scythed first.
I feel as though most of my problems would not exist if I had just worked harder on that crane thing from Karate Kid
The ocean is over seasoned. Too salty. Zero stars.
Idea: shants. Pants for when you don’t want to wear pants. It’s still very much in the concept phase, ok?
You see when you ask for nudes specificity is key. I have a whole camera roll of sphinx cats and I’m not afraid to use it.