*jumping on a trampoline*
What do you mean you want full custody?
*waits until a bird falls asleep, quietly creeps beside it’s nest*
HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO HELLO ARE YOU AWAKE!?!! HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS!?!
*Slides a five across the bar*
Bartender: Did you… Did you break this off our sign out front?
Me: (Confidently) tap water please.
Ambulance is spelled backwards on the front so when you look in your rearview mirror you don’t confuse it with the other giant siren cubes.
*Chooses paper towels instead of the hand dryer right as a tree walks into the bathroom*
Avocados are like women: soft inside, dinosaur skin outside, big cricket ball in the middle, all the good ones are taken…
Go ahead, mate with someone who wears glasses, add to the degradation of our eyesight as a species. Not like there are bears we need to spot