“You ruined everything.”
-People exaggerating when you only ruined like one or two things, tops
Every television should come with the volume setting, “Eating Chips”.
My phone will never let me forget the day I texted “hahajaha”.
Someone once asked me if I was drunk.
I said yes.
That was the shortest job interview I’ve ever had.
Money can’t buy you happiness. But it can buy you burritos and a Slip N’ Slide. So you do the math.
When a woman says, “We need to talk”, it’s no good. Never has a woman said, “We need to talk” and followed it up with “about pillow forts”.