@theregoesrichie

[First day as a Waiter]

Customer: Waiter, my fish has glass in it.

Me: Probably what killed it.

@theregoesrichie

If you also bump into furniture and apologize to it, you can be in our secret society.

@theregoesrichie

Which brand of vacuum cleaner would make the coolest birthday present for the wife?

@theregoesrichie

Microwave sparked and is suddenly dead, now I really have no idea what time it is.