@theshantilly: Sometimes when I'm feeling lonely, I head on over to Best Buy and pretend to know nothing about my phone.
@theshantilly: [pushes panic button in the middle of MRI]
Tech: Are you okay? Do you have any questions?
Me: Yeah. Who sang the song that was just playing?
@theshantilly: If you don’t have plans tonight, head to a crowded restaurant, stand up during the meal, and say “She said yes!”. Free applause and dessert. You’re welcome.
@theshantilly: Sitting down and tilting your head to the side will increase your chances of food intake by 82%.
- Dog Logic
@theshantilly: *avoids eye contact until 10 ft from friend
*keeps avoiding eye contact
*walks by friend
*hears friend calling name
*breaks into a run
@theshantilly: 10’s teacher: Your son has excellent grades
Teacher: And a very sarcastic sense of humor
Me: *tears up* I couldn’t be more proud
@theshantilly: *shampoos & conditions hair
*spits toothpaste into hair
@theshantilly: NOBODY MOVE I JUST LOST A FOLLOWER AND HE IS PROBABLY ALONE AND FRIGHTENED