“Ma’am, are you aware that you were going 92 in a 55? I’m gonna need you to step out of the car.”
“Um, I have a boyfriend.”
Handsome Stranger: Excuse me, but you’re..
Me: Gorgeous & you’ve been mustering up the courage to speak to me?
HS: ..blocking the pickles.
I just owned you for three seconds. Possibly five if you’re a slow reader. Up to ten if you read this again.
11: He shoots for her coffee. He SCORES! HE’S…
Me: Grounded.
What if I never *dramatic pause* sleep *dramatic pause* a- *falls asleep during third dramatic pause*
A strong person stands up for himself. A stronger person stands up for himself while bench pressing another person standing up for himself.
10 year old: What was it like?
Me: What was what like?
10: Being alive in the 1900’s?
Me: Go to your room.
10’s homework question: “Which appliance in your home do you think is the most useful?”
His answer: “My mom.”