Once, on Twitter, I followed a woman & she followed me back & we laughed & talked about life & how she was a man from Brooklyn…
ME: Have you seen my denim jacket?
GF: No, but it’s okay. Just checked the weather & it’s not going to be the 1980s today…
The thing about human relationships is that one person can be so overcome by a moment while the other person is thinking about KFC…
When jogging, if i get tired, I insult the people i pass in my head & then imagine having to get away as they chase me…
Anyway, I heard some “Norwegian black metal” today. Let’s just say there’s a reason no one ever built cities on it…
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji…
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says “welcome”…