Celebrity dumping an ice bucket on himself to raise money? Cute. Humanity dumping an ice cap on itself to raise sea levels? HILARIOUS.
“I am the way and the truth and the life and the muthafuckin’ shizznit.” (Snoop 4:20).
Wouldn’t that be a cool twist if World War 3 turned out to be a U.S.-Russia thing after all? “So retro!”, you’d think as you were vaporized.
“It’s summer! Yay! No more school shootings!” – American children.
I giveth, and I taketh away. Why? Because I recycleth.
Everyone in “Star Wars”.
Everyone in “The Muppets”.
Everyone in “Game of Thrones”.This is now the first tweet with over 140 characters.
The odds of Jesus coming a second time are about the same as those of ANY man coming a second time. #amirightladies
Jesus was the only man to return from the dead and not eat brains.
The question is not “Why is Instagram not working?”, but “Why does the world need another picture of you?” #instagramnotworking
I am the King of the Universe and I have a son and he occasionally appears on grilled-cheese sandwiches. #yup
The good news is, Tony Abbott says Australia may have spotted two pieces of the plane. The bad news is, Tony Abbott says a lot of things.
‘Twas the day before Lent, and when it was done, not a creature was sober, not even a nun.
My last name is Zilla.
I support traditional marriage between a man and one of his own ribs.
The people in charge of hell sometimes visit North Korea just to exchange ideas.