*Knocks down spider web*
Spider: Rude
*Hangs up spider web Halloween decorations*
Spider: Unbelievable
Imagine the scariest ride you’ve ever been on ….
Got it?
Then there’s dating me.
“What’s the most important thing that is missing from your sex life?”
Me: A partner
My relationship advice?
Play Chess instead.
It’s less complicated.
Some day, you too, will meet someone you want to spend the rest of your days without
They say a symptom of Covid is loss of taste.
Looking back at my exes? I think I’ve been infected for years
Him: “Age is just a number.”
Me: “Technically, age is a word….”
Anyways, that’s how I ended up blocked.
Him: When was the last time a man held a car door open for you?
“When I was arrested” is not the best answer, apparently
I tried the Japanese method of decluttering my home where you throw away everything that doesn’t bring you joy.
So far, I’ve thrown out all the vegetables, the electric bill, the scale, my bras and the boyfriend.
The human body is made up of 80% water, therefore, I’m not fat; I’m flooded
It’s with great sadness that I must say goodbye to you all!
My boyfriend and I argued over how much time I spend on here. He said I must choose between y’all or him. So, I’m gonna be offline for a couple minutes while I help him pack & call him an Uber … I’ll be right back
“You have $400. Your boyfriend texts and says he needs $200 and your ex texts and says he needs $100. How much you have left?”
Me: $400 and 2 unread messages
‘I’m so single that if I win a trip for two, I’m goin twice’
‘I choose my underwear based on how likely I am to have sex. Today, I’m wearing a used grocery bag I found floating across the highway’
Him: Are you crazy crazy, Craigslist crazy, or institutionalize crazy?
Me: Yes