Today my 12 year old went back into a room to switch off a light, so never give up on your dreams
Why do kids always want to grow up to be astronauts or doctors or racing drivers or football players, but never quiz show hosts. They literally get paid for asking questions. Surely there’s some transferable skills there.
If the world was serious about embracing renewable energy, someone would have already called me about harnessing the power from my 4 year old’s shouting
Before I had kids I thought there were only three, maybe four places you could put stickers. I was wrong. So, so wrong.
The best thing about my 4 year old right now is that he’s currently saying things he must have heard somewhere but has no real concept of what they actually mean. Today everything is “151 percent awesome”
Tonight our 4 year old ate his dinner in a record time of 4 hours 27 minutes
How about a child exchange programme where if your kid is being annoying you can just swap them with someone else’s vodka?
Why aren’t there any horror movies called “My 4 year old fell asleep in the car at 5pm”
11 year old: Daddy, I heard a new song called Bohemian Raspberry, do you know it?
My 4 year old took 2 hours and 3 separate sittings to eat a slice of cake. I don’t even know who this kid is anymore.
After a long day at work I sat on the sofa in front of the TV.
Sensing I was stressed, my 7 year old sat next to me, smiled, and held my hand.
It’s nice and everything but it was my phone-holding hand.
Parents,
Have you ever tried to go a whole day just saying yes to everything your kid wants or asks for and if so what time did your house burn down? Was it 10am or earlier?
My 3 year old told me I wasn’t allowed to go to the toilet and screamed if I tried to
If I’m honest, “bladder vs 3 year old” will be one of the biggest challenges of my life but one I think I’m ready for
I used to think my mother in law liked me but then she bought our 11 year old a learn to play harmonica kit for his birthday
My 3 year old isn’t talking to me because I followed him home from the park