Anyone else just agree with people sometimes so they’ll stop talking?
Wait… Why is everyone nodding their heads?
Her: come on over
Me: can’t. I’m sitting here pondering the meaning of the universe
Her: but I’m alone
Me: aren’t we all
Her: you look better without your glasses
Me: oh thanks! You look better without my glasses too!
Me, as a parent, ordering at the drive through after a family road trip: Hi. I’ll take 2 Happy Meals, a medium fry and a vasectomy please.
The single most HARDEST thing about being an immigrant in the US is knowing that regardless of my sacrifices, my beliefs or the beauty in my soul, I, too, may one day be allergic to gluten
Her: your SO annoying!
Me: you’re 😐
Her: undress me with your words
Me: ummm… There’s a spider in your panties?
I don’t cook, I more so… Dabble in the kitchen 😏
– me flirting
Them: you’re 30 and still living with your parents!?!
Me, visibly perplexed: WHO’S PARENTS AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITH THEN!!?!
Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait…
What if giving up is overrated?
Them: how are you?
Me: fine
Them: you don’t look fine
Me: then stop looking
*checking email on my phone while shoveling handfuls of sea salt and cracked black pepper potato chips into my mouth
YESSSSS! Finally got my unread emails to 100.000! Weird how there’s three zeros after that decimal point but whateve…
Oh
Her: my horoscope for today was awful. I wonder which planet is making me miserable?
Me: Earth 😐
Me: this movie sucks
Boss: for the LAST time, this is a ZOOM. MEETING!