It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while to get excited about going home.
You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.
I may not be the prettiest or smartest girl in the room, but I definitely have the most chicken nuggets in my purse.
A spray bottle to deal with close talkers.
Sometimes in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”
Revenge is a dish best served heated unevenly with cold spots.
“You’re so chill” me: *in a coma*
Interpretive dance is the best way to answer stupid questions.
Just broke a clothes hanger and now have seven years of bad outfits.
I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.
*getting kidnapped*
Me: wait, I need to pack 34 outfits
People will stop talking to you if you repeat what they said in air quotes.
“I’m down for whatever,” I say, before falling asleep.
So rude of the public to always be there whenever I go out.
Hear me out: a candy necklace, but with onion rings.