Standing outside your window holding an economy-size bottle of ibuprofen above my head.
Me: I want my pills wrapped in cheese like my dogs.
Pharmacist:
*gets filled with hope*
Hope: *has a leak*
I have an on again on again relationship with my couch.
Apparently, if you scream into a pillow at Target you have to buy it.
You had me at “she’s the one,” but lost me at “officer.”
Standing outside your window holding a rotisserie chicken above my head.
If you’re looking for a good time, I’m a blast when I’m alone.
Transition lenses that keep getting darker the longer someone is talking to you.
A spray bottle for people who stand too close in line.
A great way to end small talk is by saying “you’re not real, you’re not real.”
Some people are like a ray of spray tan.
Sorry I’m late, I was untangling my AirPods.
Establish dominance by jumping into a cake.
Sorry I dropped you during the trust fall, I was going through your phone.