“Rotisserie chicken” should be a size for fanny packs.
Screaming into a pillow is therapeutic but it also gets you kicked out of Target.
If at first you don’t succeed, sweep the leg.
Rubbing coffee grounds on your body makes your skin glow but it also gets you kicked out of Starbucks.
It’s not a walk of shame if you do the Macarena to your car.
Is it still an alien abduction if I packed a suitcase?
Sorry I dropped you during the trust fall, I was going through your wallet.
When I eat a rotisserie chicken it scares everyone in the car I’m driving.
Marge is going for a more natural hairstyle
Having a backup terrible idea is crucial.
It’s hard to walk away seductively in flip-flops.
“My therapist told me to create a calming atmosphere,” I tell the manager, after lighting every candle in the store.
You can trust me, but not “leave me unattended around garlic bread” trust me.
Sorry I disappeared for 3 years, I was getting out of a bean bag chair.
People who are “more than happy” should donate serotonin.