Where there’s a pill, there’s a yay.
Just tossed my hair seductively and a chicken nugget fell out.
Someone: what have you been up to?
Me: thanks, you too.
Just once I wish the McDonald’s drive-thru would say “I love you too.”
I love a “hell yeah” moment right before it turns into a “well shit” situation.
Me before socializing: “Don’t act crazy, don’t act crazy, don’t act crazy.”
Crazy: “Aaaaand ACTION!”
If you pedal backwards on a Peloton, fried chicken appears in the cup holder.
My Life Alert bracelet says: “don’t let them get away with this”
Smooth, elegant, complex and full-bodied. But enough about me, this wine is fantastic.
Netflix: “Are you still watching? Do you have any hobbies?”
Getting closure is important.
*lies on bed to zip up jeans*
Just seductively flipped my hair to the side and a partially eaten chocolate Santa fell out.
Apparently, “over-the-counter medication” doesn’t mean climbing over the counter at the pharmacy and helping yourself.
I’m never quite sure when to lean in for a kiss after a job interview.
The predictive text is coming from inside the horse.