Made a mistake by asking the toddler how many cookies she wants… now she’s pissed that I don’t have “ten hundred cookies.”
I would wear Nike but I’m not a “Just do it” kinda guy. I’m more of a “Meh, I don’t wanna” kinda guy… so I wear Sketchers
I’m not enjoying this slow burn apocalypse… I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show
Halloween candy is more expensive than the drugs they said people hid in them
As an actor, I do my best work when jobs call me as a reference for my friends
It’s above my pay grade to try to debate or change minds on social media. If you want to call a fish a squirrel, you’re right. Look at that squirrel swim
I hate having a ton of anxiety and no energy. It’s like having a tank full of gas and no engine
I think the 2 yr old is ready to watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre
About 17 years ago my coworker made me a cake for my bday and said that I could “lick the bowl later” and I just realized she may have been flirting with me
Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment
Fried some chicken because the 2 yr old telepathically told me we need some
This coffee isn’t working… think I need holy water
Seeing your own mental illnesses in your parents is wild. I’m like… could you have passed down good genes and a house already paid for instead
Nobody hides better than a good job these days. Can’t find a single one
July is so long that it feels like August is avoiding us