How can you have beef with Keanu…it’s like hating a rainbow
I’m not surviving a horror movie…first of all, I’m not running anywhere
You have a better chance of being struck by lightning than going to McDonald’s when the ice cream or shake machine is working
It’s getting disrespectful how long it takes for me to scroll to my birth year
I sure didn’t win the genetic lottery. I can eat healthy and diet for 6 months and lose 10 lbs. I eat like shit for 3 and a quarter days and gain 73
Babies get so disrespectful when they don’t want their pacifier
I need 52 continuous 7 day weekends
I have a drawer in my kitchen full of sauces that are patiently waiting for the big day that I use them
My favorite part about sci-fi movies is when all aliens and people from other worlds only speak English
Covid like
“I never trust anything from the government!”
*uses highways
I’m going to be the most petty poltergeist ever. I’ll do things like unplug your phone charging overnight
I’m getting birthday cake because it’s someone’s birthday somewhere
In 6th grade I had an ugly pimple on my nose that left a scar and I told my friend I got bitten by a spider…dude called me Batman because he didn’t know shit about comics
Not sure what a Shakira coochie board is but white people really like it