@trims_the_fat

Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their’s that they don’t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.

@trims_the_fat

None of this is appropriate for anybody. Take the 18+ out of your bio.

@trims_the_fat

I never wish death upon anybody who wrongs me.

I wish sudden, explosive diarrhea while on a date

Much more satisfying.

@trims_the_fat

I put winks at the end of texts to add a confusing air of creepy.

“Making breakfast. ;)”
“Walking the dog. ;)”
“Broke in to your house ;)”