Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of tsm560's best tweets

@tsm560 : While you’re making a difference I’m making spaghetti bolognese. So I ask you, who’s winning now?

@tsm560: By all means, have your opinion. It’s how we tell just how dumb you are.

@tsm560: I’m running on two hours sleep. I can start a fight with air right now.

@tsm560: Autocorrect changed impervious to I’m perviest and now I’m blocked.

@tsm560: You may be too old for her if she asks you what your kink is and you immediately think of your knees and your back.

@tsm560: No thanks, I only date women who aren’t into me.

@tsm560: One day I’ll take a trip around the world to see if people are this stupid everywhere.

@tsm560: I don’t have a problem admitting when I’m wrong. It just hasn’t happened yet.

@tsm560: This is the internet. Everybody tells the truth.

@tsm560: I was all set to seize the day but this anti-seizure medication is a lot stronger than I thought.