@tsm560

Look lady I don’t need yours or anybody’s help in looking foolish okay?

@tsm560

Received DM of the day:

Them: Why are you so angry?

Me: Why are you so stupid?

@tsm560

Her: Your ego is kind of inflated isn’t it

Me: Not really. It’s always been this big

@tsm560

She brings out the best in me and there’s just no way I’m putting up with that

@tsm560

Your tweets remind me of a Rubik’s Cube. I can’t figure those out either

@tsm560

Someday I’m gonna miss this place. I can’t wait for that day

@tsm560

That moment of sheer panic when you’re wrist deep in the Pringles can, and you begin rehearsing your story for the ER attendant.

@tsm560

Me: Is it open casket?

Friend: It’s a wedding!

Me: Oh god nobody wants to see that

@tsm560

Just got blocked by a longtime friend here and I’m trying to get over it

I’m over it

@tsm560

Her: I’m putting you in the dead zone

Me: Lol you mean the friend zone

Her: No