interviewer: how are you with excel?
me: i hate it
interviewer: an experienced user then
cop: you know why I pulled you over?
me: u want dating advice
cop: what… no
me: just be yourself
cop: im a cop
me: you’re right don’t be yourself cops suck
me: be the opposite of yourself
cop: a criminal?
me: you know why i pulled you over?
me: [googling] lose weight
google: eat healthy and exercise
me: [googling again] lose weight NO salad NO running