Don’t call me a pessimist. Call me a cynic. A cynic sounds smarter.
Tip of the day: Don’t try to scratch an itchy ankle while on a treadmill.
How come when I am at a fair or carnival I can throw three balls at a wall full of bottles and not hit a thing, but when I am in the shower I can accidentally drop a bar of soap and somehow knock over everything in all four corners of the tub?
The guy who invented “Take Your Child To Work Day” was probably too late to drop his kid off at school on the way to work.
Sephora employee: Congratulations! You have 100,000 points. You can choose 3 of the following.
