on my last dying breath saying “please… tell her I love her…” and then handing a stranger a heart locket and when they open the necklace it’s a selfie of me
getting a gf is actually very easy you just have to spin a basketball on your finger
i can’t believe adam and eve had to leave the garden of eden over an apple. if it were a better fruit like a mango or a peach I would understand but an apple?
i don’t want to be the “main character” i actually want to be an extra who is there just to have fun and stand around while you deal with all the conflict
me as a new nurse trying to help out in a code
if humidity has a million haters, i am one of them. if humidity has 100 haters l, i am one of them. if humidity has 10 haters, i am one of them. if humidity has 1 hater, i am that hater.
i be like “why does god give me his hardest battles” and the battle is cooking instead of ordering delivery
I’m at the age where if people get pregnant I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not. like congratulations or sorry that happened
accessories can really boost a woman’s self confidence. for example I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times
me: hey big boy
friend: please don’t talk to the Lincoln memorial like that