I’m ready to try another planet.
What goes “ooooooooo”?
A cow with no lips.
Three dinosaurs come across a magic lamp. Out pops a genie who grants them 3 wishes. The first dinosaur wishes for a big hunk of meat. The second wishes for a shower of meat. The third dinosaur not to be outdone wishes for a meatier shower.
I don’t know how my parents avoided boredom before the internet. My 13 brothers and sisters don’t know either.
Not to brag but the USA has nicer neighbors than Canada.
tub, pail, can, vat, jug, kettle, cask, pot, keg, barrel, bowl…
…. making a bucket list
When I was little I asked my dad if I was adopted.
Dad: LOL! Why in the world would we have chosen you?
Heard this in a movie…
What do you call a banana eating another banana? Cannibananalism. 😂
The only thing flat-earthers fear is sphere itself.
I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers.
The Times are rough.
I would probably have too much fun as a mortician asking customers whether they would prefer “Smoking” or “Non-smoking” as opposed to “Cremation” or “Burial”.
I call my toilet “Jim”…
It sounds much better when I announce “I’m going to the Jim” every morning.
Wanna know how to make your own beer? Just pour root beer into a square glass.
Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.
Judge: You were arrested for stealing a can of peaches. How many peaches were in the can?
Wife: Six, Your Honor.
Judge: In that case, you will go to jail for six days, one for each peach.
Husband: She also stole a can of peas!