God: Any other requests?
Angel: Ooh! Do a cow in sunglasses, holding a cigarette!
God: No problem.
“Okay, Bill, now you’re making it awkward.”
“Feels nice on the ol’ bits, don’t it?”
“That it do, Clyde, that it do.”
it’s either covid or clever vampires
“A little help here, Danny?”
we’re gonna need another temp
another case of gang violins
me: they’re just-
wife: don’t say it
me: …
wife: i mean it
me: …
wife: …
me: lion there
“Relax,” Arthur thought to himself, “you’re just being paranoid.”
She wasn’t quite sure
Brad was a bit older
He seemed kind of shy
But she was much bolder
She asked him to dinner
“I’d love to” he told her
When she kissed him good night
Things started to smolder
But she ended it there
And gave the cold shoulder
When she got a ring
She’d be Anna
it must be school picture day
“You tell Marcy that she can ask someone else to bring snacks to book club next time if it’s going to take three weeks for me to get my dish back.”
his wife is probably gonna see that
how i like to believe my wife sees me when i get a jar open or kill a spider
Whether it’s aliens or zombies, the importance of a head start cannot be overstated.
