HER: [being led out in cuffs]
HIM: “Why is she being arrested?”
COP: “Fraud.”
HIM: “I don’t understand.”
COP: “She was faking it, sir.”
HER: “I’m so sorry, Stan.”
*puts nose where it doesn’t belong
*is caught with hand in cookie jar
*loses head
*makes elbow macaroni
*gets fired by funeral home
AISLE 7
– Chips
– Cookies
– Quackers
Bachelor party photos will always come back to haunt you.
[tattoo parlor]
“WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!?”
“You said you wanted something that said that life is all about taking-“
“Wisks!”
“Right. That’s why I-”
“I’m weally disappointed.”
it’s called “no YOU were supposed to pay the electric bill”
Huh… I wonder if I should tell my friend that his back tattoo doesn’t say what he thinks it says.
Kinda gross IMO, but I guess everyone needs a hobby.
*enters bubble blowing contest
*blows BIG bubble
*guy blows BIGGER bubble
*pulls knife
*pops bubble(ALWAYS bring a knife to a gum fight.)
Now, where’s the sport in that?
Dear BJ’s,
Either your employees are very rude…
Or, the name of your store is terribly misleading.Sincerely,
An ‘Unsatisfied’ Customer
TOP 5 PAINFUL THINGS:
5: relationship breakup
4. going to prison
3. disease diagnosis
2. death of a loved one
1.
felt cute might bury dad later idk
“Jesus Christ, Roger… What the hell are you doing with your life?”
Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Wendy couldn’t help feeling that she was being monitored.
