i did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as i start it twelve years ago
i balance snacking with exercise by placing a bowl of chips on the roomba and following it around the house
“You hear from my lawyer?”
“He says he’s working on it, Stan.”
“I’m really losing it, Johnny.”
“Just be patient. You need anything?”
“Acorns, they’re like currency in here.”
After he passed, we wanted to honor Uncle Jim’s lifelong passion for recycling. Trust me, this is far less disturbing than the coat hooks at Bill’s house, or that thing in Aunt Janet’s nightstand.
dmv clerk: please look at the camera
me: wait i’m not rea-
dmv clerk: done, next!
when you came back from the bathroom and your younger sibling had taken your spot on the couch
“We need a new deck.”
“Why?”
“Take a guess.”
“Charlie ate all the threes again?”
“Charlie ate all the threes again.”
i’m sure it’s fine
how to market bottled water to dads
you just know somebody’s being called by their full name right now
my kid correcting me about a dinosaur fact
Fabio hasn’t aged a day
“Have them press 1 again.”
“Good.”
“Now, 3 minutes of silence.”
“Are they still there?”
“Give them 18 minutes of pan flute.”– Call Center Training
yet another student using CatGPT to do their schoolwork
somebody seems to be trying real hard to get Gurt’s attention
