Tragically, I misread her profile. Apparently her favorite position is “reserved cowgirl.”
Shenanigans are the females of the nanigan species.
“Did you just elect a pope in there?” he asked as the vape cloud billowed from her car window.
Saw Little Women. Totally misleading title. They stayed normal-sized the whole time. 2 stars.
Pet me.
More.
Yeah, that’s it.
Everywhere.
No, not there. *opens your vein*– cats
[dog training]
Me: *hand out* Paw….paw…
Dog: *sits there*
Me: What’s wrong, boy?
Dog: *hands me Purell*
Her: What’s with the microscope?
Me: Looking for my comfort zone.
Her: Did you turn the iron off before you left? Over.
Me: *in a ship streaking through the endless vacuum of space* …Dammit. Over.
Face it, wild horses could easily drag you away.
I mean, that miniature pony at the petting zoo could probably pull you for miles.
Me: You secretly can’t wait until I die so you can eat my face.
Cat: Secretly? No.
40% of my vocabulary consists of words that I inventaciously creatified.
Her: You sure love to beat people over the head with your vocabulary, don’t you?
Me: I think the word you’re looking for is “bludgeon.”
Young couple: “She has the most adorable laugh!”
Married couple: “Her laugh is like if a braying donkey swallowed a kazoo.”
“Can you move it? Then it’s not broken. Go play.”
– Dad Medicine 101
“An eye for an eye?”
– a cannibal at a swap meet