“One should never name drop”
The Queen told me that
I’m currently number 43 in a queue on the phone.
Please, your thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
Ffs
And in that moment, she decided to stand up for herself
Never again would she do what Simon said
2 days ago I gained 800 followers in one day just for tweeting a cleavage pic
Unbooblievable
I forgot the word confetti so I just said jazz hands graffiti
Forgot the word tree so I just said bush on a stick
It was an art back in the day to be able to fit your tweet into 140 characters
Now people tweet chapters and their tweets are still a load of bollocks. See? This one is already far too long. I apologise for wasting your time and omg why are you still reading this rubbish?
Not to brag, but I am really good at taking naps.
I can even do them with my eyes closed.
Me, reading some of your tweets
When you’re drunk do a selfie with your bestie
No YOUR addicted to correcting people’s grandma on the Twitter
My 8 year old son got a Wonka Bar for Christmas. His friend said that he didn’t know they sold them in real life & my son said of course they Oompa loompa doompety doo.
when your pet decides to sleep on your bed
I was at the shops & the woman in front of me was asking where the cucumbers were
The assistant came back with a small cucumber & she said “yes I saw that but I want a big one” & I actually said out loud “that’s what she said” & yes I think I spend too much time on the Twitter
That’s the last time I go out drinking with you Kevin!
